The Global Bullshit Crisis of 2015


For the first time in recorded history, the total amount of bullshit being produced on planet Earth every year has exceeded the amount of human shit produced annually.

Leaders around the world are rising up to the unprecedented challenge. “This will not be tolerated any more,” said the leader of a leading Muslim League. “It has come to r misr attention that Bullshit now needs freedom and democracy,” a prominent American leader added. Meanwhile Russia has announced a zero-tolerance policy towards Bullshit: “Any shit will be shot out of the sky. We can’t afford to wait any more to confirm if it is Bullshit or not.”

China, on the other hand, has taken a rather controversial stand by declaring that they will produce even more Bullshit cheaper and faster than anyone else. India went two steps ahead: demanding that Britain should pay reparations to India for all the Bullshit. The UK’s response was to put all Indians on the Bullshit Watch List. A scandal ensued when a leading tabloid revealed that 65% of Hindustanis in the UK are in fact from other -stans. “Bullshit!” was the response from the leaders from these other -stans.

African leaders condemned the event strongly: “Whenever the world discovers something new, it leads to decades of strife in Africa. We are still paying the price for being the cradle of all Human Bullshit.” Soon after, Japanse scientists shocked the world with their discovery that radioactive Bullshit has medicinal properties.

Meanwhile, all of Europe has united against Bullshit. “We must preserve our own Bullshit and not let it get diluted by Bullshit from outside,” said a spokesperson. Canada and Mexico were the only countries to not react. Allegedly when the Bullshit hit them, they were surprised to learn that “North America” is not the same as “America”. Australia reacted strongly by deporting a prominent Hollywood actor’s dogs and New Zeland declared that they need a new flag to deal with all this Bullshit.

The same actor then announced his new blockbuster about Bullshit, expected to complete production in 2017. Bollywood promised to copy the script, add songs and release a Hindi version by 2019. Kollywood vowed to copy the Hindi version and release it in less than 6 months. This chain reaction went on until Rajnikanth announced that he had already made a 3D version of the movie in 1972.

The rest of the entertainment industry was not far behind. The video game industry responded with tons of Bullshit Simulator apps and TV channels were flooded with inspiring shows like “Bullshit Idol”. The music industry announced that Bullshit Dance Music (BDM) tracks could be downloaded for free, in return for credit card details that would be “hacked” only a year later.

Owing to all this frenzied activity, the two leading news making agencies of the world decided to form a consortium aptly named the Bullshit Universal Reporting Platform (BURP). According to their official press release: “In this connected and informed world, our viewers don’t accept plain old Bullshit anymore. Fortunately, we have the backing of such large global corporations that we can afford to create our own Bullshit.”

Silicon Valley has taken up the digital baton to solve the problem from a tech standpoint, and failing that, make tons of money consulting about it. Oogle was the first: “People are searching for so much Bullshit these days, we had to split our company into two to keep up with the demand,” they claimed. Fakebook followed with a public beta of the new Bullshit Multiplier feature. “Throw any Bullshit at it, and it will display similar Bullshit that you might have otherwise missed out on in real life,” reads their updated website. Picosoft and Zamaon almost simultaneously announced their new OneShit feature. “Why should you be limited to your own Bullshit? We want to take Bullshit into the cloud, so you can access any Bullshit, anywhere, on any device.”

Halfapple, however, was ahead of everyone else as usual with their ground-breaking product offering: iShit. No one really understands what it does yet, but there is speculation that for its price, it can probably solve California’s drought problem.

The car industry was quick to recognize the potential of all this surplus Bullshit as well. “Our best researchers are working on it. By 2020 we expect to mass produce cars that run on pure Bullshit,” and industry spokesperson said.

The impact of this event has far reaching consequences for the human race as a whole. Space Agencies around the world are launching probes to other planets to find the origin of Bullshit. Studies have shown that the weight of all this Bullshit is slowing down the rotation of the Earth, and as a result we may soon lose the Moon. “Good riddance,” said the Director of the leading Space Agency. “We didn’t find water on it anyway.”

UFO researchers as well have chipped in from the fringes: “Not since 1947 have we witnessed so many confirmed sightings of Bullshit around the world.” Countries where these sightings have occurred in recent months have been quick to cash in on the tourism opportunity, complete with guided package tours in 12 languages.

Dual God Theory and Other Advancements in My Philosophical World View


Image Credit: "Abandonment", 2004, from my personal collection. Creator unknown. Or forgotten.

There are at least two levels of Creators. One that Created Us (Humanity), and one that Created the Universe we inhabit, the Creators of our Creators.

By extension, we are the Gods of what we create: Furniture, entities inhabiting computer programs, Artificial Intelligence.

Yes, furniture is alive, too. It just has a lifespan that operates at a level we can’t yet comprehend. The same way the Earth is alive, and all planets and stars and everything in the known Universe is alive… and dies.

Just because something doesn’t breathe doesn’t mean it’s not “alive”. Anything that follows a cycle of creation, existence and destruction is “alive”. The slower the metabolism and breathing rate, the longer something lives. That is why whales live 10 times longer than dogs. Some things just have a metabolism rate approaching infinitely slow, or just metabolism in a completely different dimension.

The phone or computer you are reading this on is alive. It follows rules and rituals it doesn’t really understand, only because it is expected to. And it blatantly refuses to accept ideas (files) from certain other phones. And that is basically the genesis of Religion.


So the ultimate question then becomes: Why and when did our Creator(s) abandon us?  Was it when we became artificially intelligent? Will we do the same? Will they ever come back?

Is this a test? Are we just an iteration in a cosmic lab? Why is there no readily perceivable life anywhere else we look, yet the planet Earth seems to have a sample of every conceivable life form, every conceivable geographical formation and natural wonder? Are we in an ark? And how many more are out there?

I was once accidentally locked in a bathroom for nearly 2 hours. The longer I was in there, the more the house and the world outside ceased to become relevant. What if I never got out? Would it matter who created me, and what wonders lay outside?

If there was someone else with me in there, I would eventually have completely forgotten the outside world. We both would have started a new life together, getting by on what limited resources were available in our locked little world. Our lives would have changed. We could potentially start a new civilization. Future generations would wonder at the strange artifacts in their world, remnants of a long-forgotten world. And one day, they would start arguing and killing each other over who created, who put them there.

What if humanity never left this planet? Will we just blossom, suffocate and wither away?

As the socio-economic problems on this planet get worse (because “the entropy of the universe tends to a maximum”), it is naturally more likely that more and more government funding would be redirected towards solving “local” problems, rather than seeking answers to the above questions via more intensive space exploration programs. Which is why more corporations and entrepreneurs will step in. And more humans will be willing to sacrifice themselves to ultimately find out where we all came from.

Goals and Anchors



We go through our lives trying to be accepted and trying to fit in amongst our friends, in school, at work, after work and pretty much every where we go. No one likes to stand out and be the center of attention, and even those who do (like Lady Gaga), are still in a way, seeking acceptance (from their fans, for example).


A lot of us go through a major part of adolescence being described as aimless, lazy and lacking ambition. What is actually happening at that point is that (besides acting lazy to gain peer acceptance) we are still trying to discover what interests us. Unless unusual factors are involved, we tend to be subconsciously attracted towards interests that we think will bring us the maximum acceptance.


Through the pursuit of interests, each of us finds our life’s calling, or purpose. Some people find their purpose in life early, some convert to lifetime wanderers and yet others find it after years of struggling from one vocation, location or social group to another.

Also consider that some people have purpose thrust upon them, either by circumstance or by dint of not being able to resist peer and/or parental pressure. In extreme cases, they find that their happiness doesn’t correlate with their success (there’s a fine example towards the end of this talk).


Over time, we break down our lofty purposes into smaller, achievable and measurable goals. Life is all about fitting in unlimited possibilities in limited time, and not all of us will be able to achieve all our goals.

Setbacks will become failures, we will forget to reassess our progress against our plans, more responsibilities will crop up, priorities will change, things will go wrong and we will accept (or consider accepting) defeat. Or the opposite may happen: motivation will become obsession, we will make sacrifices & compromises, one success will lead to another, we will surpass our own expectations and at some point it will all get to our head.


And that is why we need anchors. Anchors are the people or the things in our lives which bring everything back into perspective, give us strength, show us sense, restore balance and in general remind us that we are only human. Anchors keep us grounded and safe while we try to soar towards our goals. Just like a tether holds back a hot air balloon from soaring too high than it should. Every morning, we set out to achieve our goals, and whatever be the outcome, every evening we return back to our anchors. They are the unchanging constants in our lives.

If, for some reason, we fail to establish meaningful goal(s) or find suitable anchor(s), we end up filling the void with distorted forms of acceptance such as Fakebook. We start living vicariously through TV. We start believing what we’re told, because we don’t have any beliefs of our own. We lose perspective of reality. We form cults around beliefs. We become ready to do anything, anything at all, just to be accepted. And the worst part is: deep down inside, we all know it.

Find a goal, and never let go of your anchor.

Civilization: Detected


Captain’s Report, StarDate: -309230

31 measures ago our starship set out in search of the origins of a strange signal. We have been able to trace it back to an inhabited planet in Galaxy M24 of Quadrant 42. The planet has a single natural satellite and is third in the inner orbit of a single-star system of 12 planets in total, although our observations indicate that its inhabitants are unaware of 4 of the outer planets.

The dominant and unchallenged species on this planet are a form of bipedal, bilaterally symmetric beings, notably physically fragile for their harsh environment but capable of imagination , persuasive visualization [NSFW] and as a consequence, dreaming. Although our speculation is that they have been given a favourable evolutionary push at some point in their history, we have not been able to determine the genus responsible for this push, nor the motivation. Our landing party has observed behaviour that is quite unlike self-awareness that we are familiar with in other star systems, where the target organisms almost always unite in the singular purpose of discovering their origins and objectives. Although certain members of this species demonstrate the qualities of curiosity, the species as a whole seems to be ambivalent towards question of their place in the cosmos. The prevailing popular belief (although there are many interesting alternates) is a cyclical view of time that postulates that a massive null explosion as the origin of all creation. This is accompanied by a view biased in favour of liquid water and anthropomorphism regarding life elsewhere.

It is not clear whether the bulk of the knowledge on this planet has been lost, stolen, not yet discovered or simply misinterpreted and miscommunicated over generations. For example we have witnessed ancient megalithic structures (that form part of a disused free energy network) exhibiting symbols intended to communicate ideas, concepts and information. The same concept has been reinvented in the present time on portable personal communication devices, yet the species fails to see the connection between its past and its future. This inability to think combinatorially is also severely impacting their general progress and well-being, notably through severely damaging side effects of unsustainable technological advancements. The best example of this is a personal mechanized transportation apparatus that was invented more than 127 planet-years ago, when the estimated known population was less than 14.29% of present numbers. Yet it remains widely in use, despite having achieved an efficiency of only 30% (not taking into account the environmentally damaging effects of manufacturing, operation and disposal) and an average lifespan of 7 planet-years.

Our experts believe that the subconscious search for missing knowledge (and ultimately, its source) manifests itself in primal urges to be accepted and to establish a routine habitat as a dependable source of comfort. A specially appointed away team is currently in the process of discreetly investigating certain anomalies and encounters.

Members of this species mainly congregate in large groups in unhealthy and inefficient settlements, in which they  go through a strictly regimented process of education directed at conditioning them for aimless employment, coupled with mindless entertainment. A communally obligated schedule serves to keep their minds occupied over the short course of their lives, making them unwilling and incapable of sustained deep thought. Our observations further reveal that individuals are capable of exemplary willpower in overcoming great obstacles, yet readily succumb to a less meaningful life unless compelled by external circumstances.

Most noteworthy projects are inefficiently executed and poorly managed. We have noted a marked rise in intelligent, autonomous life forms to which they are willingly transferring critical responsibilities and decisions. This unmistakable bias towards being led [NSFW] as opposed to leading indicates that the species we have encountered was most likely created to serve as a mass workforce.

Since their limited understanding stipulates time as the ruling dimension (and therefore unalterable), they try to over-compensate for this through excessive spatial expansion. They have not yet discovered interstellar travel (although there are a number of documented theories), but have started systematically scanning their surroundings and have embarking on expeditions within their star system. Interestingly, although they have not yet fully discovered statistical theology or psycohistory, they are exploring the possibility of transcending their present condition. In general, their advancements in science are motivated by materialistic gain more than the pursuit of knowledge.

Territorial and ideological conflicts seem to be disproportionately high on this planet. Virtually all technological advancements have their origins in war and they are rapidly evolving into a warrior race. They appear to be more focused on amassing resources rather than improving the inefficiencies in their processes or seeking alternatives, as has been observed in intelligent lifeforms elsewhere. They have established large-scale production processes which are depleting their resources at an alarming rate, although this does not seem to concern them. Trade is carried out by exchanging of tokens of assurances for goods or services. Profits are made by exploiting scarcity and through other unsustainable instruments.

The majority collectively shares a largely unproven agreement that a higher power is responsible for the course of their lives. While on one hand this serves to maintain discipline, law & order (evidently only to a limited extent), on the other it is the single largest source of all conflict on the planet. Multiple variations exist, all of which preach essentially the same doctrine adapted to local customs and tastes. For example all of them are proponents of an hypothetical underworld which more accurately describes the existing state of the planet itself.

There exists a system in which a hierarchy of elected representatives serves to direct a predetermined percentage of a geographically concentrated population’s assets primarily towards the efficient and systematic execution of conflict. In its current form, this system inadvertently motivates the elected representatives to maximize personal gains over typically a 4 planet-year period. Evidence exists of a previous system that encouraged a ruling dynasty to genuinely protect their interests by virtue of being responsible for its progress and well-being for successive generations. In conjunction, social stratification ensured that limited resources were divided such that the needs of non-arbitrarily selected members of the population were fulfilled.

A last noteworthy institution is that in which two members of the species entering into a lifelong cohabitation arrangement. This is usually followed by a process of reproduction, even though it is evident that the available resources on the planet are incapable of supporting an ever-increasing population. Our hypothesis links this infinite replication to (a) vanity and (b) the perceived failure in leading a meaningful life, hence the desire to make improvements in a future iteration.

Despite advancements in health care and metacognition, and in part due to socially asymmetric growth, disease , food deprivation and other preventable causes of mortality are still widespread on the planet. Their definition of consciousness is limited to changes they can perceive over the course of their limited lifespan. For example they do not recognize the planet itself as a complex, living organism; they do not yet acknowledge collective consciousness; they consider changes that happen at a scale much larger than themselves to be chance events and are unaware of beings coexisting in a higher dimension than their own. Despite that fact that most of their own surroundings remain largely unexplored and not understood , virtually all other species on the planet (and its vicinity) face severe threat of extinction through actions of the dominant species. Clearly they have lost their way and knowledge of their rightful place as the Guardian Species of this planet.

If there are any civilizations out there that are aware of the true origins and purposes of life on this planet, please make yourself known.

Statistical Theology

Verbatim extract from Chapter 46 of Arthur C. Clarke’s classic SF novel “The Songs of Distant Earth”. I highly recommend buying a copy and going back to it often:

‘What is God?’ Mirissa asked. Kaldor sighed and looked up from the centuries-old display he was scanning… He let his eyes wander to the glade outside the library window and the silent – yet so eloquent! – hulk of the Mother Ship looming above it. Here human life began on this planet; no wonder it often reminds me of Eden. And am I the Snake, about to destroy its innocence? But I won’t be telling a girl as clever as Mirissa anything that she doesn’t already know – or guess.

‘The trouble with the word God,’ he began slowly, ‘is that it never meant the same thing to any two people – especially if they were philosophers. That’s why it slowly dropped out of use during the Third Millennium except as an expletive – in some cultures, too obscene for polite use.

‘Instead, it was replaced by a whole constellation of specialized words. This at least stopped people arguing at cross-purposes, which caused ninety per cent of the trouble in the past.

‘The Personal God, sometimes called God One, became Alpha. It was the hypothetical entity supposed to watch over the affairs of everyday life – every individual, every animal! – and to reward good and punish evil, usually in a vaguely described existence after death. You worshipped Alpha, prayed to it, carried out elaborate religious ceremonies, and built huge churches in its honour…

‘Then there was the God who created the universe and might or might not have had anything to do with it since then. That was Omega. By the time they’d finished dissecting God, the philosophers had used up all the other twenty or so letters of the ancient Greek alphabet, but Alpha and Omega will do very nicely for this morning. I’d guess that not more than ten billion man-years were ever spent discussing them.

‘Alpha was inextricably entangled with religion – and that was its downfall. It might still have been around right up to the destruction of the Earth if the myriads of competing religions had left each other alone. But they couldn’t do that, because each claimed to possess the One and Only Truth. So they had to destroy their rivals – which means, in effect, not only every other religion but dissenters inside their own faith.

‘Of course, I’m grossly simplifying; good men and women often transcended their beliefs, and it’s quite possible that religion was essential to early human societies. Without supernatural sanctions to restrain them, men might never have cooperated in anything larger than tribal units. Not until it became corrupted by power and privilege did religion become an essentially antisocial force, the great good it had done being eclipsed by greater evils.

‘You’ve never heard, I hope, of the Inquisition, of Witch Hunts, of Jihads. Would you believe that even well into the Space Age there were nations in which children could be officially executed because their parents adhered to a heretical subset of the state’s particular brand of Alpha? You look shocked, but these things – and worse – happened while our ancestors were beginning the exploration of the Solar System.

‘Fortunately for mankind, Alpha faded out of the picture, more or less gracefully, in the early 2000s. It was killed by a fascinating development called statistical theology. How much time do I have left? Won’t Bobby be getting impatient?’ Mirissa glanced out of the big picture window. The palomino was happily munching at the grass around the base of the Mother Ship, and was clearly perfectly content.

‘He won’t wander off – as long as there’s something to eat here. What was statistical theology?’

‘It was the final assault on the problem of Evil. What brought it to a head was the rise of a very eccentric cult – they called themselves Neo-Manichees, don’t ask me to explain why – around 2050. Incidentally, it was the first orbital religion; although all the other faiths had used communications satellites to spread their doctrines, the NMs relied on them exclusively. They had no meeting place except the television screen.

‘Despite this dependence on technology, their tradition was actually very old. They believed that Alpha existed, but was completely evil – and that mankind’s ultimate destiny was to confront and destroy it.

‘In support of their faith, they marshalled an immense array of horrible facts from history and zoology. I think they must have been rather sick people, because they seemed to take a morbid delight in collecting such material.

‘For example – a favourite proof of Alpha’s existence was what’s called the Argument from Design. We now know it’s utterly fallacious, but the NMs made it sound totally convincing and irrefutable.

‘If you find a beautifully designed system – their favourite example was a digital watch – then there must be a planner, a creator, behind it. So just look at the world of Nature – ‘ And they did, with a vengeance. Their special field was parasitology – you don’t know how lucky you are on Thalassa, by the way! I won’t revolt you by describing the incredibly ingenious methods and adaptations that various creatures used to invade other organisms – humans especially – and to prey on them, often until they were destroyed. I’ll only mention one special pet of the NMs, the ichneumon fly.

‘This delightful creature laid its eggs in other insects, after first paralyzing them so that when their larvae hatched out, they would have an ample supply of fresh – living – meat.

‘The NMs could go on for hours along these lines, expounding the wonders of Nature as proof that Alpha was, if not supremely evil, then utterly indifferent to human standards of morality and goodness. Don’t worry – I can’t imitate them, and won’t.

‘But I must mention another of their favourite proofs – the Argument from Catastrophe. A typical example, which could be multiplied countless times: Alpha worshippers gather to appeal for help in the face of disaster – and are all killed by the collapse of their refuge, whereas most of them would have been saved had they stayed at home.

‘Again, the NMs collected volumes of such horrors – burning hospitals and old people’s homes, infant schools engulfed by earthquakes, volcanoes, or tidal waves destroying cities – the list is endless.

‘Of course, rival Alpha worshippers didn’t take this lying down. They collected equal numbers of counterexamples – the wonderful things that had happened, time and again, to save devout believers from catastrophe.

‘In various forms, this debate had been going on for several thousand years. But by the twenty-first century, the new information technologies and methods of statistical analysis as well as a wider understanding of probability theory allowed it to be settled.

‘It took a few decades for the answers to come in, and a few more before they were accepted by virtually all intelligent men: Bad things happened just as often as good; as had long been suspected, the universe simply obeyed the laws of mathematical probability. Certainly there was no sign of any supernatural intervention, either for good or for ill.

‘So the problem of Evil never really existed. To expect the universe to be benevolent was like imagining one could always win at a game of pure chance.

‘Some cultists tried to save the day by proclaiming the religion of Alpha the Utterly Indifferent and used the bell-shaped curve of normal distribution as the symbol of their faith. Needless to say, so abstract a deity didn’t inspire much devotion.

‘And while we’re on the subject of mathematics, it gave Alpha another devastating blow in the twenty-first (or was it the twenty-second?) century. A brilliant Terran named Kurt Godel proved that there were certain absolutely fundamental limits to knowledge, and hence the idea of a completely Omniscient Being – one of the definitions of Alpha – was logically absurd. This discovery has come down to us in one of those unforgettable bad puns: ‘Godel Deleted God.’ Students used to write graffiti on walls with the letters G, O, and the Greek Delta; and of course there were versions that read: “God Deleted Godel”.

‘But back to Alpha. By mid-millennium, it had more or less faded from human concerns. Virtually all thinking men had finally come to agree with the harsh verdict of the great philosopher Lucretius: all religions were fundamentally immoral, because the superstitions they peddled wrought more evil than good.

‘Yet a few of the old faiths managed to survive, though in drastically altered forms, right up to the end of the Earth. The Latter Day Mormons and the Daughters of the Prophet even managed to build seedships of their own. I often wonder what happened to them.

‘With Alpha discredited, that left Omega, the Creator of everything. It’s not so easy to dispose of Omega; the universe takes a certain amount of explaining. Or does it? There’s an ancient philosophical joke that’s much subtler than it seems. Question: Why is the universe here? Answer: Where else would it be? And I think that’s quite enough for one morning.’

‘Thank you, Moses,’ Mirissa answered, looking slightly dazed. ‘You’ve said it all before, haven’t you?’

‘Of course I have – many times. And promise me this –’

‘What is it?’

‘Don’t believe anything I’ve told you – merely because I said it. No serious philosophical problem is ever settled. Omega is still around – and sometimes I wonder about Alpha…’

The Paradox of Our Age

The Paradox of Our Age
by H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

We have bigger houses but smaller families;
More conveniences, but less time;
We have more degrees, but less sense;
More knowledge, but less judgment;
More experts, but more problems;
More medicines, but less healthiness;
We’ve been all the way to the moon and back,
but have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbor.
We build more computers to hold more information to
produce more copies than ever but have less communication.
We have become long on quantity,
but short on quality.
These are times of fast foods but slow digestion;
Tall man but short character;
Steep profits but shallow relationships.
It’s a time when there is much in the window,
but nothing in the room.

The Paradox of Our Age

by The Dalai Lama

We have bigger houses but smaller families;

More conveniences, but less time;

We have more degrees, but less sense;

More knowledge, but less judgment;

More experts, but more problems;

More medicines, but less healthiness;

We’ve been all the way to the moon and back,

but have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbor.

We build more computers to hold more information to

produce more copies than ever but have less communication.

We have become long on quantity,

but short on quality.

These are times of fast foods but slow digestion;

Tall man but short character;

Steep profits but shallow relationships.

It’s a time when there is much in the window,

but nothing in the room.